Hurt

Life makes you wonder sometimes, and for myself, I have been feeling bad recently.

Even though I always try to put a brave face on things, its hard of late.

I can still Look at things going on around me, in other parts of the world, things that inspire and give hope, like the people's rebellion in Tunisia; how happy many of them are after years of suppression, the joy as they shook hands with the army troops, their elation at what they had done, the history they were and are making. It truly is inspiring.

However it is impossible to see and be inspired by these events 24/7, and life can get to you, well it can get to me anyhow.

Looking back in my life particularly at my relationships really makes me feel sad, resentful even. In fact these unhappy and negative feelings were even turning into a grudge of late and began to encompass more and more people from my past into the fold.

How do you get over people and their wrongdoings that have hurt you? Does the pain ever go away?

My painful past will never cease to interject at times in my life and make me seriously doubt myself and the way I am around people and how I relate. These insecurities are unlikely to be exclusive to me, but the feelings I get at these low times really do hurt and make me feel so alone in the world.

I feel everyone's pain, the slightest thing so it seems sets me off, but some lives are so tragic, so hard. I am, well not exactly happy to feel the pain of it, but at least I can and I do.

There is something that keeps me going though, an inner drive so to speak. It takes the form of a desire to know the truth, even in extreme emotional pain and darkness, that pursuit for reason, understanding and knowledge is always there and is always hungry and thirsty.

So for my trespassers who let me down and who have hurt me, I say to them stop agonising in life, look to the sun, the moon and the stars and be lifted.

I forgive you although it is hard, because I too have committed sin against folk.

While we are here on the earth there is always a way to make amends and / or move on. If it is not possible to make amends with those who either you sinned against or who have sinned against you, let it go, but wish them well and let them go lovingly and in every aspect. And so I do. I won't name any names, only to myself in quiet moments.

Meanwhile if you like music (I do) here is a most beautiful song by the Nine Inch Nails explaining how and why they feel hurt, how they take it out on others (I will let you down, I will make you hurt) and later on you hear the reason for it; (everyone I know goes away in the end). And then at last, at the very end, the hope ( If I could start again; I would keep myself / I would find a way.)