It is supposed to be a lethal combination, the smoking of marijuana and someone with a diagnosis of a mental illness and certainly the advice given to us (mental health service users) is to steer well clear from it. We are never given any more information than that. It is bad for us and there are examples of people to whom it has caused a mental illness.
I have already written about this in an article that was published in a magazine called 'percetions', one of the arguments being that no-body actually knows what came first, the mental health problem or the smoking of marijuana. We are never offered any scientific explanation about what the drug actually does and how it therefore creates or exacerbates mental illness. The reason why we are not given an explanation, and only told to not do it, or else have whatever scant services we have taken away from us is probably because the drug affects each one individually and there are also enormous variations in the drug itself.
It could be the dynamics and relationships that people have with one another in the small groups or the circle of smokers that people find such a strain. Or the dealers or the pushers, not to mention the pressure on people of it being illegal.
I have smoked it on and off since I was eighteen, introduced to it by my Jamaican guy. Neither of us fared very well in life concerning our mental health but to put it all down to the substance would be belittling our life histories and our separate personalities. We both had our own insecurities and were drawn to each other personality wise because we were and are very deep and analytical thinkers. The drug enhances this and that is what we enjoy about it.
So I was always told since I was a kid that my problem was that I thought too much. Well we have got Grey matter for a reason, and I always did enjoy exercising mine. We should not only be true to ourselves, but also try to enjoy life as much as possible. So marijuana fits on both of those accounts.
But here is the rub. It is so easily abused in this society we live in, first by it being made illegal and all the degradation that goes with that, secondly the pressures and etiquette of group smoking. I never was one for etiquette you know, so I have either smoked it just with a boyfriend, or latterly just on my own. These days or in my recent past I found smoking it alone preferable although this was something that the dealer that I used to have found very difficult,as I could make a very small amount last a very long time.
But my mistake I made was that I let it become a habit. I didn't think about it, I just did it; every day for two maybe three years. That is a serious abuse of the drug, and I paid for it. My mental health did deteriorate, I wouldn't be bothered to do much around my flat to keep it clean and tidy, and worst of all by the time I was forced to give it up, I was getting very adverse reactions to it indeed. Such as getting and enjoying a 'high' for no longer than about two minutes if I was lucky, followed by hours of crippling anxiety, heart palpitations and severe depression.
This is not the drug itself, but its abuse.
But I do believe that what I experienced need not be the case, that the drug can be medicinal for people including alleviating mental health disorders and problems, although yes people would need to be extra vigilant and careful with it when using it for those purposes.
For a start it should only be used occasionally, and when it is truly needed,of course that is for each individual to decide, but just as prescription drugs are and can be abused, like valium for example when used on a regular basis, the same applies to marijuana. There are probably similarities between the two in terms of the effect they have on people.
Marijuana lifts the spirits and relaxes you, its effects can last for a long time, much longer than valium, therefore in order to treat it right, you should make sure that the effects have subsided completely and for a long while before you think of doing it again. also, just as Valium should only be used when necessary i.e when you are perhaps over stretched, stressed and maybe in a state. Marijuana will work if used similarly.
It is because I was a lucky girl and found a small amount in the high street the other day that I have been given one more chance to experiment with this drug and hopefully get it right this time, by not allowing it to run and ruin my life and by treating it with the impeccable respect that it deserves.
So I have thought about what purpose it can serve and have come to the conclusion that I will use this small amount to help me to practice the sabbath. A day of relaxation and rest, on the Sunday because not much happens then anyway, hopefully it will help me get into the habit of resting one day a week which I am sure will do my health good.
I have no intention of having a dealer again, so when this small amount is done, that will be it for better or worse, although I will always hope for the day when it becomes legal.
