Today in Hyde Park Speakers Corner, a bunch of sanity challenged people like myself who were like myself despite the odd emotional outbursts surprisingly sensible and sane at least some of the time depending on the environment anyway. Well we braved the cold wind and the rain to join together to protest against and articulate our disgust at the Condem government.
It would have been good to have brought my camera along as on arrival at about 1pm there was a life size effigy of David Cameron hanging from a tree by his neck and a young man with bad shaky hands holding a megaphone and reading from hand written notes giving a very sound political speech. He said the plans for the day were that they were going to leave David Cameron up there suspended until ... he was going to say and did proceed to say it after someone in the crowd said "he's dead" ... until he gets really uncomfortable.
Many people took willingly to the megaphone to read their poetry and make speeches, all of it was good and some of it extremely emotional and angry. One young lady stood by me crying and I must admit there were times I felt like that too. People saying how much they had believed in the hype about us all being the same and we would be okay if we would only get a good nine to five, and how hard they had tried to do this, only to dramatically and spectacularly fail with all the drastic consequences on everything from housing to work to relationships and family.
I could so relate to all of that and I am glad I didn't think about it today at the protest because I would have been in fits of uncontrollable sobbing. The last time I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital I lost my dear cat; she lost her life due to the severe disruption that these things cause, mental instability is a very serious and debilitating condition.
People today spoke brilliantly about how we are being demonized because we are on benefits, how we are being used by this government as examples of the undeserving, when the truth of the matter is that it could happen to anyone and the people who pay into the tax system, by far the majority are people who are happy for there to be provision for us because they are our brothers and sisters, cousins, uncles and aunts, children, Mums and Dads.
The speeches today were brilliant, my favorite by far was a speech / performance by Clare from Bath (we go back a long way), she said many things that were so true and had me in stitches, but the one thing that really stuck out was when she said that she strongly believes that us mad people should embrace our madness and show it !!! Because she said that not only being ourselves defies the likes of Cameron and also perhaps scares them, Clare said that the normals out there, when they see us acting up and being outrageous ( something I can't always help and have little or no control over anyway); the truth is she said slowly and looking down to ground, is that they the normals want some too!
Then the Cameron effigy was attacked and disemboweled by three women to a cheering audience followed by a two minute yes two minute! scream, which I didn't participate in, I walked back towards Buckingham Palace through the trees of Hyde Park all full of emotion and wondering if I looked like the Munch painting to passes by (and with such apt background acoustics).
Respect to Mad Pride for organising the event, hope there will be many more of them, until we get what we want and need, which is dignity and respect and the back of this small, weak, despising and vicious government.
Tuesday 26 October 2010
Monday 18 October 2010
The Victorians and the net - how much have things changed?
The net is a wonderful thing in my opinion. Of course before its existence we had ways of getting through long and often lonely evenings and nights, but the net has opened up socializing and connectivity with one another and it makes it a pretty good second place to real face to face communication and socializing.
It could be argued that at times it can be better than face to face networking, although each has its place, and at other times it can be worse. Obvious point I know, but now I am going to tell you about my own particular beef with the net, and its one that I half expected but it is no less annoying none the less.
Its the sexism ... Most of the time I post as my own gender, but I had been wondering at times if my posts were being taken less seriously because of my being female. It was a nagging thought that kept coming up, so after a while during some discussions I changed my gender to male, and I keep thinking of the famous Victorian authoress George Elliot who felt it necessary to change her gender to male in order to be taken seriously, but it does work surprisingly.
It did feel as if the efforts I was making in some contributions in places on the net were much better received when I posted as a man. And of course you are a lot less likely to be patronized or asked out for sex (this did and still occasionally does happen although not like it happened at one time a while ago).
Its not that its a mans world that bothers me, it is the fact that women are not treated generally speaking with having any or very much positive contribution to make in life, we are regarded with suspicion or ridiculed, patronized and so on.
I long for the day when we can be free, be true brothers and sisters and respected equally. Judged first by what we do and say rather than the by colour of our skin, by our sexuality, our gender or any other any other aspect of ourselves to whom others may feel fit to denigrate; as a crude and cruel way to make themselves feel better.
This happens a lot in the sub conscious. It does take a conscious effort on behalf of all those who want to see the back of sexism and a better world to understand that it happens and is detrimental to all; men and women alike. People need to stand up against sexism and make changes in life, even if it means something simple like trying to understand and imagine what it must be like to face some of the things us women have to face. Just to be more supportive towards women and therefore paving the way for a future of equality and mutual respect.
It could be argued that at times it can be better than face to face networking, although each has its place, and at other times it can be worse. Obvious point I know, but now I am going to tell you about my own particular beef with the net, and its one that I half expected but it is no less annoying none the less.
Its the sexism ... Most of the time I post as my own gender, but I had been wondering at times if my posts were being taken less seriously because of my being female. It was a nagging thought that kept coming up, so after a while during some discussions I changed my gender to male, and I keep thinking of the famous Victorian authoress George Elliot who felt it necessary to change her gender to male in order to be taken seriously, but it does work surprisingly.
It did feel as if the efforts I was making in some contributions in places on the net were much better received when I posted as a man. And of course you are a lot less likely to be patronized or asked out for sex (this did and still occasionally does happen although not like it happened at one time a while ago).
Its not that its a mans world that bothers me, it is the fact that women are not treated generally speaking with having any or very much positive contribution to make in life, we are regarded with suspicion or ridiculed, patronized and so on.
I long for the day when we can be free, be true brothers and sisters and respected equally. Judged first by what we do and say rather than the by colour of our skin, by our sexuality, our gender or any other any other aspect of ourselves to whom others may feel fit to denigrate; as a crude and cruel way to make themselves feel better.
This happens a lot in the sub conscious. It does take a conscious effort on behalf of all those who want to see the back of sexism and a better world to understand that it happens and is detrimental to all; men and women alike. People need to stand up against sexism and make changes in life, even if it means something simple like trying to understand and imagine what it must be like to face some of the things us women have to face. Just to be more supportive towards women and therefore paving the way for a future of equality and mutual respect.
Wednesday 13 October 2010
Naked Woman, Wild and Free
This watercolour has been transferred and made into a tattoo on a friend of mine, his name is Rob.
She appears to be wild and free, just like we'd all like to be.
Pain
Not sure if you can feel what I feel with this ceramic model of a man I made about a year and a half ago with a tattoo of a winged serpent on his back.
He's saying "it ain't me its the devil won't you tell him to stop".
Well I feel sorry for him anyhow.
He's saying "it ain't me its the devil won't you tell him to stop".
Well I feel sorry for him anyhow.
Wednesday 6 October 2010
Charity
Believe me I do feel for the predominantly young people whose job it is to sell charity on our High Streets, but what a crazy job it is.
For a start there is a common saying that goes 'charity begins at home', that is not being selfish although it might sound it especially if your attitude towards people in say the third world is a paternalistic one, or a misplaced guilt ridden one, i.e people who feel guilty about living and think somehow other people (who have struggles probably similar to theirs) are a more worthy cause than theirs is.
I myself am not only a charity worker but also a charity supporter, and I pay subs to the anti-nazi league (the fore runners to Unite Against Fascism) and to the Socialist Workers Party, I also support individuals who need help when and where I can, and I sponsor an orangutan called Monty on behalf of my Dad.
However, these street charity workers' job takes the biscuit. I bumped into one today who said " Hello what are you doing" I thought to myself " I'm minding my own business", but I just said " I am walking down the High Street" to which she replied "But I am really nice you know" ! Then started saying she wanted a chat... Now I do really feel sorry for these young people as I said before and I am sure they are very nice people. But I really can't say that I would support any one of these causes over another so I blanket don't get involved in any of them, as I certainly wouldn't afford to support all of them.
Many of them are things that should be a given anyway, such as clean water and sanitation for parts of the world that still don't have them. The young and the old should be cared for by society, the elderly respected because of what they have put into life already and the wisdom they can pass on and the young because they are the future.
On charities supporting animals; they really can become a constant nag for financial assistance. Our relationship with animals should be a respectful one, but when the society we live in hardly respects human life it is wrong but no surprise that animals get mistreated. In other words it is our society as a whole that needs to be fundamentally changed into one that puts the needs of the people and the environment first, which is why I give money, am a member and supporter of the SWP.
Homelessness charities are ones that pull on heart strings too and with the wealth that there going around with many people having many more than one house, and other lush and unnecessary luxuries there really is no need for anyone living here to be living rough. In among the homelessness issues, are mental health problems, a very high proportion of homeless people have mental health problems, so again you can see how all of these issues interlink.
We need providing organisations and ones that cater for peoples needs, but they should be funded centrally and evenly, not reliant of private finance and charity. Lets not forget all those rich billionaires and millionaires who have ill begot gains through exploitation and dodgy dealing, for them, charity is definitely one they should seriously consider and very soon too.
It doesn't matter whether anyone believes in God or not, if its not for ones soul or afterlife, charity given by the rich in vast sums to the poor and needy ought be seriously considered for the sake of their own consciences if nothing else.
For a start there is a common saying that goes 'charity begins at home', that is not being selfish although it might sound it especially if your attitude towards people in say the third world is a paternalistic one, or a misplaced guilt ridden one, i.e people who feel guilty about living and think somehow other people (who have struggles probably similar to theirs) are a more worthy cause than theirs is.
I myself am not only a charity worker but also a charity supporter, and I pay subs to the anti-nazi league (the fore runners to Unite Against Fascism) and to the Socialist Workers Party, I also support individuals who need help when and where I can, and I sponsor an orangutan called Monty on behalf of my Dad.
However, these street charity workers' job takes the biscuit. I bumped into one today who said " Hello what are you doing" I thought to myself " I'm minding my own business", but I just said " I am walking down the High Street" to which she replied "But I am really nice you know" ! Then started saying she wanted a chat... Now I do really feel sorry for these young people as I said before and I am sure they are very nice people. But I really can't say that I would support any one of these causes over another so I blanket don't get involved in any of them, as I certainly wouldn't afford to support all of them.
Many of them are things that should be a given anyway, such as clean water and sanitation for parts of the world that still don't have them. The young and the old should be cared for by society, the elderly respected because of what they have put into life already and the wisdom they can pass on and the young because they are the future.
On charities supporting animals; they really can become a constant nag for financial assistance. Our relationship with animals should be a respectful one, but when the society we live in hardly respects human life it is wrong but no surprise that animals get mistreated. In other words it is our society as a whole that needs to be fundamentally changed into one that puts the needs of the people and the environment first, which is why I give money, am a member and supporter of the SWP.
Homelessness charities are ones that pull on heart strings too and with the wealth that there going around with many people having many more than one house, and other lush and unnecessary luxuries there really is no need for anyone living here to be living rough. In among the homelessness issues, are mental health problems, a very high proportion of homeless people have mental health problems, so again you can see how all of these issues interlink.
We need providing organisations and ones that cater for peoples needs, but they should be funded centrally and evenly, not reliant of private finance and charity. Lets not forget all those rich billionaires and millionaires who have ill begot gains through exploitation and dodgy dealing, for them, charity is definitely one they should seriously consider and very soon too.
It doesn't matter whether anyone believes in God or not, if its not for ones soul or afterlife, charity given by the rich in vast sums to the poor and needy ought be seriously considered for the sake of their own consciences if nothing else.
Tuesday 5 October 2010
Black Sabbath
It is supposed to be a lethal combination, the smoking of marijuana and someone with a diagnosis of a mental illness and certainly the advice given to us (mental health service users) is to steer well clear from it. We are never given any more information than that. It is bad for us and there are examples of people to whom it has caused a mental illness.
I have already written about this in an article that was published in a magazine called 'percetions', one of the arguments being that no-body actually knows what came first, the mental health problem or the smoking of marijuana. We are never offered any scientific explanation about what the drug actually does and how it therefore creates or exacerbates mental illness. The reason why we are not given an explanation, and only told to not do it, or else have whatever scant services we have taken away from us is probably because the drug affects each one individually and there are also enormous variations in the drug itself.
It could be the dynamics and relationships that people have with one another in the small groups or the circle of smokers that people find such a strain. Or the dealers or the pushers, not to mention the pressure on people of it being illegal.
I have smoked it on and off since I was eighteen, introduced to it by my Jamaican guy. Neither of us fared very well in life concerning our mental health but to put it all down to the substance would be belittling our life histories and our separate personalities. We both had our own insecurities and were drawn to each other personality wise because we were and are very deep and analytical thinkers. The drug enhances this and that is what we enjoy about it.
So I was always told since I was a kid that my problem was that I thought too much. Well we have got Grey matter for a reason, and I always did enjoy exercising mine. We should not only be true to ourselves, but also try to enjoy life as much as possible. So marijuana fits on both of those accounts.
But here is the rub. It is so easily abused in this society we live in, first by it being made illegal and all the degradation that goes with that, secondly the pressures and etiquette of group smoking. I never was one for etiquette you know, so I have either smoked it just with a boyfriend, or latterly just on my own. These days or in my recent past I found smoking it alone preferable although this was something that the dealer that I used to have found very difficult,as I could make a very small amount last a very long time.
But my mistake I made was that I let it become a habit. I didn't think about it, I just did it; every day for two maybe three years. That is a serious abuse of the drug, and I paid for it. My mental health did deteriorate, I wouldn't be bothered to do much around my flat to keep it clean and tidy, and worst of all by the time I was forced to give it up, I was getting very adverse reactions to it indeed. Such as getting and enjoying a 'high' for no longer than about two minutes if I was lucky, followed by hours of crippling anxiety, heart palpitations and severe depression.
This is not the drug itself, but its abuse.
But I do believe that what I experienced need not be the case, that the drug can be medicinal for people including alleviating mental health disorders and problems, although yes people would need to be extra vigilant and careful with it when using it for those purposes.
For a start it should only be used occasionally, and when it is truly needed,of course that is for each individual to decide, but just as prescription drugs are and can be abused, like valium for example when used on a regular basis, the same applies to marijuana. There are probably similarities between the two in terms of the effect they have on people.
Marijuana lifts the spirits and relaxes you, its effects can last for a long time, much longer than valium, therefore in order to treat it right, you should make sure that the effects have subsided completely and for a long while before you think of doing it again. also, just as Valium should only be used when necessary i.e when you are perhaps over stretched, stressed and maybe in a state. Marijuana will work if used similarly.
It is because I was a lucky girl and found a small amount in the high street the other day that I have been given one more chance to experiment with this drug and hopefully get it right this time, by not allowing it to run and ruin my life and by treating it with the impeccable respect that it deserves.
So I have thought about what purpose it can serve and have come to the conclusion that I will use this small amount to help me to practice the sabbath. A day of relaxation and rest, on the Sunday because not much happens then anyway, hopefully it will help me get into the habit of resting one day a week which I am sure will do my health good.
I have no intention of having a dealer again, so when this small amount is done, that will be it for better or worse, although I will always hope for the day when it becomes legal.
I have already written about this in an article that was published in a magazine called 'percetions', one of the arguments being that no-body actually knows what came first, the mental health problem or the smoking of marijuana. We are never offered any scientific explanation about what the drug actually does and how it therefore creates or exacerbates mental illness. The reason why we are not given an explanation, and only told to not do it, or else have whatever scant services we have taken away from us is probably because the drug affects each one individually and there are also enormous variations in the drug itself.
It could be the dynamics and relationships that people have with one another in the small groups or the circle of smokers that people find such a strain. Or the dealers or the pushers, not to mention the pressure on people of it being illegal.
I have smoked it on and off since I was eighteen, introduced to it by my Jamaican guy. Neither of us fared very well in life concerning our mental health but to put it all down to the substance would be belittling our life histories and our separate personalities. We both had our own insecurities and were drawn to each other personality wise because we were and are very deep and analytical thinkers. The drug enhances this and that is what we enjoy about it.
So I was always told since I was a kid that my problem was that I thought too much. Well we have got Grey matter for a reason, and I always did enjoy exercising mine. We should not only be true to ourselves, but also try to enjoy life as much as possible. So marijuana fits on both of those accounts.
But here is the rub. It is so easily abused in this society we live in, first by it being made illegal and all the degradation that goes with that, secondly the pressures and etiquette of group smoking. I never was one for etiquette you know, so I have either smoked it just with a boyfriend, or latterly just on my own. These days or in my recent past I found smoking it alone preferable although this was something that the dealer that I used to have found very difficult,as I could make a very small amount last a very long time.
But my mistake I made was that I let it become a habit. I didn't think about it, I just did it; every day for two maybe three years. That is a serious abuse of the drug, and I paid for it. My mental health did deteriorate, I wouldn't be bothered to do much around my flat to keep it clean and tidy, and worst of all by the time I was forced to give it up, I was getting very adverse reactions to it indeed. Such as getting and enjoying a 'high' for no longer than about two minutes if I was lucky, followed by hours of crippling anxiety, heart palpitations and severe depression.
This is not the drug itself, but its abuse.
But I do believe that what I experienced need not be the case, that the drug can be medicinal for people including alleviating mental health disorders and problems, although yes people would need to be extra vigilant and careful with it when using it for those purposes.
For a start it should only be used occasionally, and when it is truly needed,of course that is for each individual to decide, but just as prescription drugs are and can be abused, like valium for example when used on a regular basis, the same applies to marijuana. There are probably similarities between the two in terms of the effect they have on people.
Marijuana lifts the spirits and relaxes you, its effects can last for a long time, much longer than valium, therefore in order to treat it right, you should make sure that the effects have subsided completely and for a long while before you think of doing it again. also, just as Valium should only be used when necessary i.e when you are perhaps over stretched, stressed and maybe in a state. Marijuana will work if used similarly.
It is because I was a lucky girl and found a small amount in the high street the other day that I have been given one more chance to experiment with this drug and hopefully get it right this time, by not allowing it to run and ruin my life and by treating it with the impeccable respect that it deserves.
So I have thought about what purpose it can serve and have come to the conclusion that I will use this small amount to help me to practice the sabbath. A day of relaxation and rest, on the Sunday because not much happens then anyway, hopefully it will help me get into the habit of resting one day a week which I am sure will do my health good.
I have no intention of having a dealer again, so when this small amount is done, that will be it for better or worse, although I will always hope for the day when it becomes legal.
Monday 4 October 2010
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