Relationships more often than not and in vast majority of cases end in tears, if not 'end' in tears there are most certainly a great deal of them along the way. It is a major source of heart ache, and when you heart aches, what happens to the rest of your body, mind and spirit? Its such a cruel world. When it comes to the thing that we all yearn for in life, a companion, a friend and love ( to give and receive ) there seems to be no end of trouble. There are maybe some who escape devastating turmoil and pain, some who seem to make excellent partners ( or maybe that is a how it seems to others of the surface ) oh dear, call me cynical, but when it comes to relationships, I have been cynical all my life.
Being as we live in and amongst one another, having relationships, whether intimate or otherwise is part of life. Upon their ending, many people can become so upset and irate and they feel hard done by. They might plot revenge on their past lover, or feel like committing suicide. Whilst hurt and anger is very real and can be very painful, when things aren't so raw, it is a good and wise thing to reflect on all the good things that that person gave you, even if it is not that much, there must be something that enhanced your life. Things that you perhaps now take on board and you can remember them in a way that made you feel better, wiser for having known and been close to them.
This all started with a conversation I was having among some friends, and then found it relevant on a thread on face book and so I thought I would expand it a little here.
My first lover was half Jamaican, being the first, he is the one who had a very large impact and it has been said that for women, they never forget their first lover. He taught me many things, so many things it is hard to re count any major ones. He liked and was good at science, physics and maths, he taught me things like how to get that last little bit out of a ketchup bottle, how to get water quickly and easily out of a wet cup, he taught me that things like flu and colds could be got rid of quicker if they were shared with a well person ( it worked ), he taught me that bruises could be avoided if the damaged area was rubbed hard, fast and quickly after injury (and no, this wasn't after he hit me, there was no violence in that relationship). He was a star gazer and we watched shooting stars in the night sky so much. He was a very intelligent man, and was also very loving. He really loved me and that look in his eyes is something as a memory I will treasure always.
It could have all been so beautiful, maybe some children ( although I was always petrified of giving birth and squeamish about it too )! So rather than pursue my life with this man, I went to college and had a desire to see and experience the world. Whilst at university we kept our relationship going, but it was long distance and this did put a strain on us both. I met a man a college with whom I became very close and this was at the same time as with this lad from home.
This college friend was a complete dear, he looked after me for about three years, without him I would definitely never have completed college. He cooked, cleaned our flat that we shared, and we went out to clubs a lot, he later became a DJ and was an avid music fan. From him I got an awful lot too, for one thing I have an enormous CD collection ( he gave me the music collecting bug ) and the most beautiful lesson this man gave me was how not to worship money. A lesson that will always stay close to my heart.
Then there was a rascal, a two, three, four timer, he caused me a lot of grief and I have written here about this before, but it is right to exorcise this demon and say what was the good he brought to my life. It is an easy one really, this man had vast knowledge of history and the social sciences and to a certain degree methodology. It was knowledge that I needed, knowledge which never left me and has stood me in fairly good stead as I pursued a life of left wing political activism. He is now a college lecturer.
A more recent partner taught me rather a lot, although he was a bit of a scoundrel too. He has experience of reiki healing, and when we met, I was getting into healing with crystals, and he took an interest in it. Anyway, he had a badly broken foot that had been broken for a long while and his doctor has said there was nothing they could do. So one evening, he asked me, well kind of ordered me more like to heal his broken foot! Well amazingly I did! It was an extremely traumatic experience for us both. He described how it felt like a clamp went straight into his foot and pulled his bones together, at which point he yelled out, I witnessed a ball rise in his foot and come to the surface, at which point I cried.
The upshot of it was that the foot was now pink, healthy and mended and I knew I could heal broken bones. I mended many bones, tendons, fractures etc for a time and I am very glad that I did and that I can, all thanks to him.
The other lesson he taught me was how when I am in arguments with people to let them think that they are teaching you something even if they are not, just to make them feel better (I think it is known as turning the other cheek) and it is a good lesson that I keep close to me.
He helped me in other ways, and it was always my aim to help him and be a companion to him. I paid his bills, fed him, washed his clothes, cleaned, and in a way although I worked hard around him, it was good to know that I could do these things that I felt I could not do when I was younger. But I am glad it is over now, I have more freedom and I am better for the lessons learned and having been close to him.
Monday, 24 January 2011
Saturday, 15 January 2011
Hurt
Life makes you wonder sometimes, and for myself, I have been feeling bad recently.
Even though I always try to put a brave face on things, its hard of late.
I can still Look at things going on around me, in other parts of the world, things that inspire and give hope, like the people's rebellion in Tunisia; how happy many of them are after years of suppression, the joy as they shook hands with the army troops, their elation at what they had done, the history they were and are making. It truly is inspiring.
However it is impossible to see and be inspired by these events 24/7, and life can get to you, well it can get to me anyhow.
Looking back in my life particularly at my relationships really makes me feel sad, resentful even. In fact these unhappy and negative feelings were even turning into a grudge of late and began to encompass more and more people from my past into the fold.
How do you get over people and their wrongdoings that have hurt you? Does the pain ever go away?
My painful past will never cease to interject at times in my life and make me seriously doubt myself and the way I am around people and how I relate. These insecurities are unlikely to be exclusive to me, but the feelings I get at these low times really do hurt and make me feel so alone in the world.
I feel everyone's pain, the slightest thing so it seems sets me off, but some lives are so tragic, so hard. I am, well not exactly happy to feel the pain of it, but at least I can and I do.
There is something that keeps me going though, an inner drive so to speak. It takes the form of a desire to know the truth, even in extreme emotional pain and darkness, that pursuit for reason, understanding and knowledge is always there and is always hungry and thirsty.
So for my trespassers who let me down and who have hurt me, I say to them stop agonising in life, look to the sun, the moon and the stars and be lifted.
I forgive you although it is hard, because I too have committed sin against folk.
While we are here on the earth there is always a way to make amends and / or move on. If it is not possible to make amends with those who either you sinned against or who have sinned against you, let it go, but wish them well and let them go lovingly and in every aspect. And so I do. I won't name any names, only to myself in quiet moments.
Meanwhile if you like music (I do) here is a most beautiful song by the Nine Inch Nails explaining how and why they feel hurt, how they take it out on others (I will let you down, I will make you hurt) and later on you hear the reason for it; (everyone I know goes away in the end). And then at last, at the very end, the hope ( If I could start again; I would keep myself / I would find a way.)
Even though I always try to put a brave face on things, its hard of late.
I can still Look at things going on around me, in other parts of the world, things that inspire and give hope, like the people's rebellion in Tunisia; how happy many of them are after years of suppression, the joy as they shook hands with the army troops, their elation at what they had done, the history they were and are making. It truly is inspiring.
However it is impossible to see and be inspired by these events 24/7, and life can get to you, well it can get to me anyhow.
Looking back in my life particularly at my relationships really makes me feel sad, resentful even. In fact these unhappy and negative feelings were even turning into a grudge of late and began to encompass more and more people from my past into the fold.
How do you get over people and their wrongdoings that have hurt you? Does the pain ever go away?
My painful past will never cease to interject at times in my life and make me seriously doubt myself and the way I am around people and how I relate. These insecurities are unlikely to be exclusive to me, but the feelings I get at these low times really do hurt and make me feel so alone in the world.
I feel everyone's pain, the slightest thing so it seems sets me off, but some lives are so tragic, so hard. I am, well not exactly happy to feel the pain of it, but at least I can and I do.
There is something that keeps me going though, an inner drive so to speak. It takes the form of a desire to know the truth, even in extreme emotional pain and darkness, that pursuit for reason, understanding and knowledge is always there and is always hungry and thirsty.
So for my trespassers who let me down and who have hurt me, I say to them stop agonising in life, look to the sun, the moon and the stars and be lifted.
I forgive you although it is hard, because I too have committed sin against folk.
While we are here on the earth there is always a way to make amends and / or move on. If it is not possible to make amends with those who either you sinned against or who have sinned against you, let it go, but wish them well and let them go lovingly and in every aspect. And so I do. I won't name any names, only to myself in quiet moments.
Meanwhile if you like music (I do) here is a most beautiful song by the Nine Inch Nails explaining how and why they feel hurt, how they take it out on others (I will let you down, I will make you hurt) and later on you hear the reason for it; (everyone I know goes away in the end). And then at last, at the very end, the hope ( If I could start again; I would keep myself / I would find a way.)
Sunday, 9 January 2011
On the routine diminishment, humiliation and violation of Women
There is a very real problem with a small number of men... posted by lenin
...who see young girls as 'easy meat'. And let us not be politically correct about this. The problem is with white guys:
Table 5.4b of this pdf shows that, in the latest year for which we have data, Lancashire police arrested 627 people for sexual offences. 0.3% of these were Pakistanis. That’s two people. 85.5% were white British. In Lancashire, there are 1,296,900 white Brits and 45,000 Pakistanis. This means that 4.163 per 10,000 white Brits were arrested for a sex crime, compared to 0.44 Pakistanis.
What can explain this disproportionality? Why can't the politically correct brigade acknowledge real problems? Answer: the ethnicity of the men involved is meaningless. What is meaningful, perhaps, is that the overwhelming majority of perpetrators of sex crimes are male, and the overwhelming majority of victims are female. That is a correlation that has some relevance, arguably. This might be related to that elusive, shapeshifting entity, 'culture', inasmuch as the culture we all inhabit routinely diminishes, humiliates and violates women. Can we discuss this? No, of course not. The problem of aggression and violence toward women and children has to be re-staged as a drama about race and 'multiculturalism', because the first order of business is to establish the innocence and virtue of said white guys, and the criminality and brutal lust-filled venality of non-white guys. That is the only way in which most bourgeois politicians and the capitalist media are prepared to deal with this issue.
...who see young girls as 'easy meat'. And let us not be politically correct about this. The problem is with white guys:
Table 5.4b of this pdf shows that, in the latest year for which we have data, Lancashire police arrested 627 people for sexual offences. 0.3% of these were Pakistanis. That’s two people. 85.5% were white British. In Lancashire, there are 1,296,900 white Brits and 45,000 Pakistanis. This means that 4.163 per 10,000 white Brits were arrested for a sex crime, compared to 0.44 Pakistanis.
What can explain this disproportionality? Why can't the politically correct brigade acknowledge real problems? Answer: the ethnicity of the men involved is meaningless. What is meaningful, perhaps, is that the overwhelming majority of perpetrators of sex crimes are male, and the overwhelming majority of victims are female. That is a correlation that has some relevance, arguably. This might be related to that elusive, shapeshifting entity, 'culture', inasmuch as the culture we all inhabit routinely diminishes, humiliates and violates women. Can we discuss this? No, of course not. The problem of aggression and violence toward women and children has to be re-staged as a drama about race and 'multiculturalism', because the first order of business is to establish the innocence and virtue of said white guys, and the criminality and brutal lust-filled venality of non-white guys. That is the only way in which most bourgeois politicians and the capitalist media are prepared to deal with this issue.
Monday, 3 January 2011
Sister Love
A great time was had at my Christmas party. My middle sister came to my flat to pay me her bi-annual visit ( once at Christmas, once on my birthday ) and for a completely unrelated reason I was in a mood.
We made a toast to the season and then just sat there in my lounge until my sister notices the huge pile of washing up in my kitchen so she offers to help me do it. I wouldn't normally like anyone to help me with such an awful and mundane task, but on this occasion, I thought why not, my middle sister is the sort of person who likes to get busy and doing things.
So we blared out some music (country and western) sang our hearts out; (she does a brilliant Elvis impression) and the enormous pile of washing up was done in no time.
We also had a good heart to heart chat as well. Perfect. Invite me to your next washing up party, she said, and that was how we parted company, in very good spirits too.
The New Year came and the same sister desperately wanted to get me out as I had not ventured out of my flat for a few days, so eventually, on the 3rd January (today) I traveled the few miles it is by train (takes about five minutes) to go to her place to wish them all a Happy New Year.
Sitting in my sisters kitchen, she goes on the net and looks up recipes as she has got one too many bananas that have to be eaten and soon. Banana cake. Yum. We all have a discussion about what to make with the bananas as not everyone (there are four in the family) are convinced about making the cake, but before long it is agreed. Banana cake it is. My sister and I go about making it; and four hours later I am heading back to my flat with a Tupperware box full of banana cake! That being what was left after everyone had had some.
We laughed about how we used to play 'house' as kids together and nowadays when we do get together we do it for real and we love it.
Its sister love and my sister is extra classic!
We made a toast to the season and then just sat there in my lounge until my sister notices the huge pile of washing up in my kitchen so she offers to help me do it. I wouldn't normally like anyone to help me with such an awful and mundane task, but on this occasion, I thought why not, my middle sister is the sort of person who likes to get busy and doing things.
So we blared out some music (country and western) sang our hearts out; (she does a brilliant Elvis impression) and the enormous pile of washing up was done in no time.
We also had a good heart to heart chat as well. Perfect. Invite me to your next washing up party, she said, and that was how we parted company, in very good spirits too.
The New Year came and the same sister desperately wanted to get me out as I had not ventured out of my flat for a few days, so eventually, on the 3rd January (today) I traveled the few miles it is by train (takes about five minutes) to go to her place to wish them all a Happy New Year.
Sitting in my sisters kitchen, she goes on the net and looks up recipes as she has got one too many bananas that have to be eaten and soon. Banana cake. Yum. We all have a discussion about what to make with the bananas as not everyone (there are four in the family) are convinced about making the cake, but before long it is agreed. Banana cake it is. My sister and I go about making it; and four hours later I am heading back to my flat with a Tupperware box full of banana cake! That being what was left after everyone had had some.
We laughed about how we used to play 'house' as kids together and nowadays when we do get together we do it for real and we love it.
Its sister love and my sister is extra classic!
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