"Icons" by Mark Fuller at the Nucleus Gallery, Chatham

Mark Fuller's exhibition of his work at Chatham’s Nucleus Art Centre Gallery, the show was on until the 22^nd December 2011. However, to call it an exhibition is an understatement, in the traditional sense of the word. It was more than an exhibition although still that, it was an experience, a chance to step into a world of make believe, to leave behind the mundane and be filled with and moved by sheer joy and fantasy.

The exhibition called “Icons”, had the initial appearance of the work of Andy Warhol and his Icons. Mark Fuller’s ‘Icons’ are slick, compelling, up to date and of this generation. I would be so bold as to say that it is even better than Warhol as the experimental stuff that arguably rendered meaning superfluous in Warhol, such as the famous Campbell’s soup for example has not been included or anything like that, and so Mark Fullers Icons are refined, they take you away from reality for a while, you can escape into the lives of people who look good, and have a purpose, or maybe not so much a purpose, but they are resolute, purposeful and driven people, how wonderful it is to escape and feel what it is to be them for a while, feel what they mean to you, and remember too what they have meant to you in the past .

Mark is a full time civil servant by trade, he has one grown up daughter who studied art at college and his partner is expecting a baby in March. His spectacular work (all from this year) is done from a makeshift studio in his home. He is from and currently lives in Medway.

This evocative exhibition begins with icons of fast cars like Ferraris, and porches, there are also camper vans; how good it must feel to drive a fast car and escape life in a camper van …

Then you come to the most powerful iconic image of our generation, that of Vincent and Jules from the film Pulp Fiction, they each carry a piece, they are uncompromising in their stance and the impression is that no-one messes with them. It s so evocative; isn’t that how we would all like to be in real life? To escape from who we are, with our inadequacies and idiosyncrasies, its so good to imagine ourselves to be just like them for a while, even for a split second!

It really is a thrilling image; it sets the tone for what is to come, Michael Caine, James Bond and others that really “kick ass”. The exhibition tells half the story, it’s told in a masterfully slick way; the icons are all black and white, bold and sharp. Bright colours are added to background and/or to props, they set and frame the icons. We then are the subject of the other half of the story, how the icons affect us and allow us to escape, we are moved and can shake up the world, just as they (the icons) do and have done. I guess for me one of the highlights was Jimi Hendrix, he is so cool and seeing him revered and encapsulated as an Icon is a glorious experience!

Of course, all the fast cars, guns and ammo really mean nothing without a woman or a girl around, and there you see them, great iconic feminine beauties; Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe. Classy and gorgeous, their presence rounds off the exhibition and makes it complete. Complete in the excitement of a man’s world, exciting and now gentle too.

Well done to Mark Fuller on an exemplary exhibition, I wish him all the best and hope that he will go far.

A mental health service user's perspective on the 'Recovery Model'

I would certainly not describe myself as 'recovered', although that is a term and a concept developed by service users as a far back as 1995. It was introduced as a concept to challenge those who would set us apart from others, denigrate us in society. It was an attempt we made to be better understood and accepted.

The response to the concept of 'recovery' has been mixed. It is now adopted as the new model in mental health, no reference or credibility has been given to the service users like myself who initiated the whole concept through giving talks on mental illness around the country, taking questions and answers and so on. Framing mental illness as an understandable phenomenon to everyone. Some of my first thoughts and writings on the subject are in documents archived by the National Perception Forum.

That reality and history has been obscured and, under the recovery model, we are treated as if we are stupid and have to be pushed and cajoled into work as part of our 'recovery'. It doesn't seem to occur to those administering 'recovery' that we do actually live in the community now, so many of us know where and how to find jobs. Many of us have already tried with varying degrees of success to work, we do not need to be pushed around.

The ultimate aim in the 'recovery model' is to discharge us from mental health services and the mental health remit altogether, the 'logic' being that we have 'recovered'. That is dubious and lacks understanding of mental illness, emotional distress and the ensuing disability.

After a true breakdown, we do not ever really recover, as I have not. It still remains that I would dearly like to have a close relationshiop with another person, but that ( which many people may take for granted) is a near impossibility for me. I cannot watch TV as it either bores me to distraction, or I have uncontrollable fits of crying. Emotionally, I cannot cope with being around children. I cannot go out easily therefore I stay in on my own. I cannot go out at night, and have a poor understanding of money. I have auditory, visual and tactile hallucinations, panic attacks, night terrors, panic attacks at night and I self harm, the scars are there for all to see. Then there are permanent physical health problems from the long term use of psychotropic drugs including mood stabilisers, problems such as diabetes, oedema, weight gain, muscle stiffness which leads to a sedentary lifestyle and exacerbates problems.

The 'Recovery Model' now adopted is highly patronising, it assumes we know nothing and that there is nothing wrong with us, therefore there is no duty of care, but we do still have to take medication.

What I would like to know, now that I have expressed a little of what it is like from a service users perspective, is how do the staff feel about constantly making us do their work for them? I will give an example ( although there are plenty of examples like this), it will hopefully make it clear; groups are set up in the community to help mental patients, like a 'walk and talk' group, or a 'walking group', we are then told that we will then (after a period of time) have to run it ourselves. It is because it is an 'aid' to our 'recovery', and we should not get dependant on services. Is it such a terrrible sin to depend on others? ( and are we very bad children if we let this happen?). According to the recovery model, it should not be, we should not be dependent on anyone for anything. Are we not human then? Surely as human beings it is acknowledged that we are social beings and not solitary, does this not apply to menatally ill people too? How come we as mental health service users should have nothing, no support, no day centre, no care ... only medication? Told to do voluntary work? This is not 'recovery', it is more like 'exploitation'.

Treatment and care has come full circle to what was there before, but now, there is actually much less support.

This is known as 'Ego Documentation', here is my up to date version.

Throughout my life, I have felt on the one hand a great love for the world, for people and animals, but also a deep concern. An example of this is how I feared nuclear holocaust in the 1980's; to the extent that I was inconsolable for a long time, my sister managed to talk me round, eventually, when I finally opened up to her and said what was wrong.

Around this time too, I made a decision that I would probably not bring any children of my own into the world as I felt that life was already hard for me and would be getting worse, I did not want them to suffer as I did. I was also feeling that I had no choice but to become active in politics in order to stop the attacks on our livelihoods, ( this was around the time of the Miner's strike; Margaret Thatcher's heyday). It was a fear I had ( maybe irrational, maybe not), that if I became a target because of my views, I did not want to have children who might be used by others as a way of getting to me, forcing me to cease political activism.

As I got more deeply involved in politics, I became bent on being part of destroying the existing system ( capitalism) and that was it. I was singular in this aim, I did realise that it might be a little over the top, but I rationalised this by thinking and believing it was my role in life, that I was a bit like Kali ( the dark destroyer from Hinduism) or that I would emanate her. Such single mindedness may have also been compensation too. An escape and outlet for the unhappy and failed close relationships I experienced that seemed to feature in my life.

Another element was that I felt responsible for many people's spiritual or emotional deaths. On tackling other peoples political beliefs, I would strip them of their own belief systems, attempting to bring forth an understanding of the world as a class system. Any defence of the system was met with contempt and derision from me, I made it clear that a position of defending the system was unacceptable to me. I was highly destructive in many respects.

There were so many issues, political and philosophical that I was unfamiliar with and may not have fully appreciated or understood, but I always did my best to understand theoretical concepts and historical events. I was though, developing a vicious tongue and a heavy burden, in the sense that I felt like all the world's problems were on my shoulder.

So this was me; unhappiness and failed/ failing relationships, anger at the injustice in the world ( which was enhanced by being a political activist, by being more and more exposed to examples of cases of injustice), a combination of emotions that ran so deep within me and it could not go on, so I flipped out and had a nervous breakdown, or, a spiritual death.

This experience made me extremely flat ( zombie like even) and it did feel like I was in Hell. I still had a sense of humour and a sense of love for others and for humanity. Although it was hard to hang on to those things at times, I did manage it and I survived (to tell the tale).

LOWKEY - HAND ON YOUR GUN

Chatham Works Exhibition - Nick Evans

Nick Evans

This wonderful exhibition is currently showing at the Nucleus Arts Centre Gallery in Chatham (272 High Street) until the 17^th November.

Chatham landmarks are clearly depicted with colour and drama. Chatham and its icons are boldly represented with fond familiarity and exuberant colours in their surround.

The artists selects just a few significant places, ones with presence and maybe their beauty somewhat hidden, such as the Brook Theatre.

Is this really our home town? Yes it is; not only the landmarks, but also the atmosphere and its not gloomy either, rather it’s exciting and dramatic.

Of course Chatham is not known as a beauty spot or for its artistic attributes, but at this exhibition, artist Nick Evans captures from his Chatham studio what we know and love about the town, so impressive are the outer representations, we can feel its familiarity and admire them too.

Chatham is not without its victims of life, it’s a hard town with a history of hardship, such that it was an inspiration for many of Dickens novels. Artist Nick Evans demonstrates an understanding and appreciation of this essence. In one corner of the Gallery; as you travel around the paintings of our beloved town there are two people (opposite the painting of flowers) a man and a woman in separate paintings, they are naked. Their vulnerability for all to see, these are our Chatham people, a boy and a girl.

The two pictures bring to a close our journey through Chatham and there follows in the same style, paintings of beautiful places in Cornwall perhaps representing our dreams of escape.

It’s a wonderful and moving exhibition, one that tells a story (or three).

Sophie Scholl and the White Rose Resistance

Here is a picture of Sophie Scholl, her brother Hans and Chrisoph Probst, who were part of a very brave group of young people who defied and resisted the Nazi's under Hitler in Germany during his reign. Here is their story:-

Although this group of friends were eventually known for their political affairs, they were initially drawn together by a shared love of art, music, literature, philosophy and theology. Hiking in the mountains, skiing and swimming were also of importance. They often attended concerts, plays and lectures together.

In the summer of 1942, the friends began to question and resist the principals and policies of the Nazi regime. The group decided to adopt the strategy of passive resistance that was being used by students fighting against racial discrimination in the United States. This included publishing leaflets calling for the restoration of democracy and social justice.

The group co-authored six anti-Nazi Third Reich political resistance leaflets. Calling themselves the White Rose, they instructed Germans to passively resist the Nazis.

In January 1943, using a hand-operated duplicating machine, the group is thought to have produced between 6,000 and 9,000 copies of their fifth leaflet, "Appeal to all Germans!", which was distributed via courier runs to many cities (where they were mailed). Copies appeared in Stuttgart, Cologne, Vienna, Freiburg, Chemnitz, Hamburg and Berlin. Composed by Hans Scholl with improvements by Huber, the leaflet warned that Hitler was leading Germany into the abyss; with the gathering might of the Allies, defeat was now certain. The reader was urged to "Support the resistance movement!" in the struggle for "Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and protection of the individual citizen from the arbitrary action of criminal dictator-states". These were the principles that would form "the foundations of the new Europe".

On February 18, 1943, the Scholl's brought a suitcase full of leaflets to the university. They hurriedly dropped stacks of copies in the empty corridors for students to find when they flooded out of lecture rooms. Leaving before the class break, the Scholl's noticed that some copies remained in the suitcase and decided it would be a pity not to distribute them. They returned to the atrium and climbed the staircase to the top floor, and Sophie flung the last remaining leaflets into the air.

Hans said this later at their trial in the National Socialist's 'People's Court' :- "Somebody, after all, had to make a start. What we wrote and said is also believed by many others. They just do not dare express themselves as we did."

On February 22, 1943, Sophie Scholl, her brother Hans and their friend Christoph Probst were found guilty of treason and condemned to death. They were all beheaded by executioner Johann Reichhart in Munich's Stadelheim Prison only a few hours later at 17:00.

Prison officials emphasized the courage with which Sophie walked to her execution. Her last words were "Die Sonne scheint noch"—"The sun still shines."

I Wish Someone Would Care

S.A.D

Giving is easy, I enjoy it.

But it seems I have lost the art of receiving. It is very hard for anyone to give anything to me, be it physical, mental, material or spiritual.

I am hard work for people I know.

Its like I gave up on thinking or feeling that any one could or should give anything to me. Not out of arrogance that I am better than anyone else and their gifts or their praise or whatever, but, tragically I felt I was undeserving.

Around my siblings I would act like I wasn't there even, they had permisson from me to carry on as if I was invisible, so that I would not be a bother to them, its so sad, sometimes I cry about it.

Mic Righteous Ft. Stefan White - At The Gates

Five go to Pepe's

An acquaintance of mine recently opened a very nice cafe near me; and on finding out I am an artist ( yes, its true, I am), she asked for some of my paintings to display. Great! She also said that she would only charge commission once I get famous! Love Pepe! What a star!

Here are the five framed pieces of my work, the photos are sub standard, I know, but these were taken in a hurry just before I took them over to Pepe.

Then there is another 'Art of Recovery' exhibition, installation and opening night this coming Friday - gulps! Not much pressure - too much pressure more like! Still I am sure it'll all be alright on the night ( hopefully).

- Mic Righteous - Warm Up Sessions

This man is amazing, very talented, an all round top geezer. He has a great website and a facebook fan page. Check him out!

Art and Economic Regeneration

There is a common sense notion and indeed something that is enforced in everyday life which is that work ought to be separated from culture and art. Something that a recent comment here reiterated, it went something like this:- if you like to be creative and do creative stuff, then do it in your own time.

It is actually a well known and proven fact ( and I do have references for this) - although kept secret at the same time, that the main ingredient in economic regeneration is art and art exhibitions.

So I am doing more than being responsible for myself in my own life by pursuing art ( even though it is a massive financial strain and burden), I am taking responsibility for everyone, I am doing it for the love of humanity and for the sake of our regeneration.

Maybe one day I will go into more detail about that and what inspired me to embark on art and craft in the first place, the visions, theories and concepts that lies behind it, and also what has kept and keeps me going. Thus far of course.

The people's army and the heartless crew

Live up, live up, live up and live right.

This is a special victory tune for the successful defense of Tower Hamlets East London yesterday ( 3rd September) against the threat of morons from the racist and fascist EDL. They did not pass and you can't stop us, see!

Society vs mental illness

It is hard for people who have never experienced madness to understand what is going on, what it is all about and indeed how best to help that person.

First of all it is something that requires a lot of intervention, and specialist intervention too. We have been cast out in the past, but you cannot wish us away; not accept any responsibility for being part of the society that caused the problems in the first place. It could even amount to individual responsibility for causing emotional and personal trauma in another. If someone suffers emotionally in tribal societies for example, the whole tribe gets together to discuss the problems, they sit down and the first question they ask is what have we done to have caused distress for this person. Rather than cast us out, vilify us, reject us, why not take a good look at yourselves and also look at what we have endured through living in this unbalanced and degrading world we live in?

The sort of intervention necessary when someone is emotionally distraught and they have no knowledge themselves that they suffer from bouts of madness, is to get them to a safe place, somewhere away from the environment where they are suffering unbearably in. Then yes, there may well be a role for some theraputic medication, but in no way should this be the be all and end all of treatment. As it has been discovered already, talking is of paramount importance and time and effort should be put into this activity. Education is pivitol too, teaching people about what the symptoms of madness are, help that person accept it. Then there is art and craft; providing an outlet for the upset and trauma and a medium for communication ( something that I will be going into more depth with in a future post).

There is much talk about 'recovery' and I want to be absolutely clear about this because it was not a term invented by profesionals although they were quick to jump on the bandwagon with all that it mean't to them. For profesionals, mainly senior management it mean't effectively ceasing all treatment and resources for the mentaly ill, a denial even that they had anything that was different about them, apparently we are no different to anyone else now. Funny that, how come we feel, act and behave differently then? Service users invented the term 'recovery', it was a way they had come to understand their difficulties, and the transition they had made from sanity to madness, a way they could hook onto their past and recover an identity that would not render them as useless, second class citizens, written off of and out of society completely.

We wanted to be part of mainstream life ( who doesn't) but of course we are different, just as deaf people are deaf, blind people are blind, learning disabled have a learning disability, we are mentally ill. Once you have crossed that line into insanity, most of us will experience it again and for those who only have it once ( it is very rare) they never ever forget it although in order to fit into to mainstream society they expertly cover it up, however that memory and the pain will never leave.

Madness, or mental illness is not about loss of or lack of intelligence, it has nothing to do with intelligence, there are many people with learning difficulties who also suffer with insanity due to the frustrations they have. There are also highly intelligent people who suffer it. Insanity is not about intelligence, it is an emotional disorder, emotional deficit or emotional over load. Being broken emotionally is life changing and very serious, in fact none of us ever recovers as such, none of us ever can become 'normal' again, that is a person who has no knowledge of what insanity is like. Once broken, or insane, you are a changed person, permanently changed and more vulnerable. A vulnerability that stays with you for life.

I know it is very hard for the mentally ill to accept that they are vulnerable as sometimes they feel they have extra strength and are opposite to the perception of vulnerable, they feel themselves to be strong. Now of course we are strong, but we are also vulnerable. Every breakdown is unique and every persons experience of madness is unique to them and on each occasion. Therefore I thought the best way to attempt to explain how we are vulnerable is to describe it in myself.

It is not easy, but here goes ... I am highly suspicious of others, we could go into what caused this or even just accept that it might be something I was born with; a personality trait if you like. Anyhow I am also inquisitive, sensitive and intelligent and they might be good traits to have, but couple that with a highly suspicious nature and you get explosions, outbursts and misunderstandings. Medication plays its part in subdugation, but the state never fully leaves me. It renders me vulnerable in many ways, but one is that this combination of emotions in extreme tips over to paranoia and I am and become a danger to others. I have never physically attacked anyone ever, but others can sense my unease and it requires intervention from others in order for the pain I am in to be alleviated. I also get very depressed because of this and because I am very sensitive and at times when the depression is accute I am a danger to myself.

There are many people with similar problems, and the way we are, the emotional problems we endure are undoutely exacerbated by the society we live in. The high levels of competiton for example for jobs, housing, qualifications and so on all raise our emotional deficit or overload and make it harder for us to cope, but as I have said before and written about many times over, although we need others perhaps more than people without emotional problems need others, we do also have much to offer life, and if others and society can see and accept what we have to offer, rather than just see us as a problem, it would be for the good of all. Accepting us as we are into mainstream life with all our needs and vulnerabilites would have a very positive effect for us all, for society and for human kind.

Bob Dylan - Maggie's Farm

Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. Its a sin the way you work and I just get bored, I ain't gonna work on Maggies Farm no more.

Jungleland

Here is a musical interlude:- Jungleland, one of my favourite Bruce Springsteen tracks.

I love this one because of the urbanity, all the variety of urban life, our struggles, our tragedies, our love, our laughter, its all here in the song. And of course as ever there is hope, there is always hope and its encapsulated here in the wailing saxophone of Clarence Clemants ( RIP big man).

Beneath the city two hearts beat; soul engines running through a night so tender ... Outside the streets on fire in a real death waltz ... And the poets round here don't write nothing at all they stand back and let it all be. They try and make an honest stand, but they wind up wounded, not even dead, tonight in Jungleland.

We've all been there, we are all from there and we will survive it too.

Sophie in a Straitjacket

Have you ever felt guilty for just being born? For having a roof over your head? Guilty for having community resources, guilty for having ideas, emotions, ambition?

Due to a mental health disability, I am made to feel like I have no rights. No right to say what my needs are, let alone have any of them met.

I have no support with living in my flat where I am and feel isolated.

Why? Can anyone tell me? Why am I being made to feel like a criminal for just being me and living my life to the best of my ability given the circumstances in which I am in?

I like to be creative, so why am made to feel that I ought to get a proper job or do more work than I already do and am capable of?

Its hard to put your finger on what is actually happening to me and people like me in the world today. It can be summed up though as feeling like you're being placed in a straitjacket. Like we should not have any entitlement to do anything at all, just pushed around and gawped at, tormented even.

Our very existence as people with special needs is being denied, we are being denied the right to be ourselves. Expected to be like some fictitious other that exists in the imaginations of high ranking officials and actually bears no resemblance to reality; the reality of who and what we are.

SHOCKING Footage: BBC Presenter Attacks Black Veteran Over London Riots ...

BBC News: Explosive Eye Witness Account - Tottenham Riots, UK

LONDON *IS* BURNING

My Beautiful Cousin Talei

Talei is the one on the left of the above picture facing us, she is the one not wearing the glasses, and is with her friend Jennifer. It was taken not long before Talei tragically died in Jamaica aged 26.

As you can see from these photo's Talei was incredibly beautiful.

She was the youngest of the Jones's, My Mum's brothers youngest daughter, she was doted on by her parents and her other siblings, especially Felix and Leonard, she was their little sister.

They lived all over, my Uncles family, I think Talei was born in Canada, her Mum (my auntie) is Fijian, Talei's parents met in Fiji. They travelled extensively, My Uncle, Talei's Dad had the travel bug and visited an enormous number of countries.

At one time while Talei was growing up, they lived in Quebec in Canada. Talei spoke french fluently from that time ( although she said she later forgot it!). Then the family moved on, they spent a while as Talei was a young teenager in the Bahamas as well as living in a very large house on the Canadian American border. I am not sure of the exact chronology, but Talei and family were true internationalists.

Talei came to Britain when she was fourteen years old, she came here to go to a lovely school in Cranbrook in kent, which is a very nice area. She spent some time during her vacations with my Mum ( her Aunt). Talei was a very helpful girl even as she struggled making the transition from girl to young woman, she was polite and caring while around my Mum's, although it must have been hard for her without her peer group and her immediate family around her, but she coped, in fact she flew through it, her natural intelligence saw her through.

She was very well liked and did well at school, and so she went on to University, the London School of Economics, the LSE, following in her fathers footsteps, and she really took to it, she loved London so much, quite right too, London has so much going on. Soon Talei developed a love for culture and all good things in life. For a while too she was the partner to very upper class and well to do fellows, although neither of those first relationships lasted ( might have been something to do with her love for independence, although that is a guess, we never really discussed her relationships).

Anyway, Talei was proving to be not only incredibly beautiful as a woman but also highly capable, she organised everything for the students she shared digs with, she organised the trips to theatres, other cultural events and also she organised the holidays.

Despite her hectic social life, Talei found time to study and did well gaining a second class honours degree from the London School of Economics, and then as is the case for all young people who finish their degrees; what was next?

She packing in so much, she went to China to teach English to young Chinese children, she did well there, was loved by all and she knew how to make the most of her situation and enjoy herself. But I knew how much she loved London, she would have liked to have stayed and settled there, I know that. But for stupid money, that is what prevented her, she was saddled with debt from being a student, accommodation was difficult and extremely expensive. It is this that really makes me angry, if it hadn't have been so expensive for her to stay here, I am sure she would have done. It upsets me very much.

Talei went travelling and her parents moved to Fiji where her brother Felix, his wife and family were now settled. I honestly lose track of all the places she went to for experience and to work, she was working in Australia when she went travelling to South America, and then her final destination, Jamaica.

Talei as you can gather was amazing, as a child she was very special, she was funny, she displayed an brilliant sense of humour, she could make everyone laugh ( as is often the case for the youngest children) and she was so caring.

Talei was about seven years old when I was seriously ill with a mental breakdown and she was strong around me, she cared and it felt like she was looking after and looking out for me, despite her being so young.

We have lost our youngest, our best, our fittest one. All of her friends have lost one of their most capable, fun loving and caring people they could ever hope to meet.

This pain I am in right now I have never felt before, when Talei died, my life changed. Although I am grieving the loss of Talei, I cannot even begin to say how her death has affected me, it is so huge and too raw at the moment.

I love you so much Talei and I hate money. Rest in Peace lovely, sleep now in the loving arms of Our Father.

Bees love Honey

Pleased to Meet You

Can you guess who this is the back of?

What is his name?

Don't worry, the man on the right here is good, Mahavira is his name he is a great hero. Omm shanti Omm peace peace peace.

These are three of my latest drawings from my sketch book

Marxism 2011 part three (write up of a meeting)

Multi-culturalism is an important subject, the term multi-culturalism and what is implied by it is under attack by the right and needs to be defended, so I was at that meeting at Marxism 2011. I haven't always been a hundred percent happy with the term, don't know why exactly, might be that the liberals and some people on the right have confused the meaning, I remember once being involved in an argument with a rough looking woman in London who was attacking multi-culturalism and so I attempted a defense of it by inserting a 'new' name for what it was I thought we were talking about, I used the word 'mix' as opposed to 'multi - culturalism' thinking that she was probably just confused about the term like I was to an extent, but no, when I dropped the term multi-culturalism in our (heated) discussions, to her that was a victory and one in the eye to multi - culturalism, I think she was heavily influenced at that time by the extreme right, she had a mixed race son with her who showed signs of being mighty embarrassed. Anyway that was not a very nice experience for me and the memory has lingered and so I feel it important to strongly defend 'multi - culturalism' and was glad of a meeting on the subject at this years Marxism.

Michael Rosen was one of the speakers on the platform, he also used semantics to change the term, to make it clearer, as I had attempted to do, but his idea was to use the term ' inter - culturalism', he noted that the whole history of humanity is one of migration, and that we 'share' culture; hence 'inter culturalism'. Due to our history, it is necessary to defend people's rights to practice their culture on the land. He described how the invention of a pure 'englishness' has no foundation, even a tradition like good ol fish and chips was jointly invented by a Jewish and a Belgian cook.

There are pressures put upon us from birth ( and is big in schools ) to harbour an englishness and it is a cruel and cunning ruling class trick. There is in no sense a pure englishness or assimilation, its like begging for the holy grail; it is something that doesn't exist, we will never get there. The ruling class use this idea(l) of 'assimilation to keep us divided. They spread fear among us of one another, that one or other human being is 'the other', not to be trusted, but to be feared, derided, persecuted even, so they can go on happily ruling over us while we fight among ourselves. Its the classic: divide and rule. As human beings we have a right to be secure and we need to fight for that basic right, fight for us as beings that are essentially migratory and ' inter cultural'.

I absolutely love learning new things and new ways of putting and understanding things and so from that perspective this meeting did not disappoint, it already came into good use in a meeting I was at a week or so later, where I was defending the right of women to dress how they wish ( the context was a guy moaning about the hijab and birka, he ended up saying that anyone who comes to this country ought to ... what exactly?) we are who we are and defending peoples right to live culturally in ways that they are familiar with ( food, music, stalls, dress etc) is a matter of defending a basic human right to be secure and to be ourselves.

Marxism 2011 part two

Above pic is the man himself, Tony Benn, guest speaker at Marxism 2011. He has been attending Marxism for many many years.

Although I didn't attend many meetings of Marxism 2011, the ones I did go to were good, interesting and thought provoking. It would be nice to participate in the debates though and that remains a criticism I have of the event this year, its good to debate in meetings but not every one gets a chance at this, therefore in order to make it a really full and appealing event, debating should be a conducive element, encouraged all over the venue(s).

Many good events had taken place in the run up to Marxism this year, like the events in the Middle East and North Africa, and the strikes on the 30th June ( the first day of the five day Marxism event), so a certain amount of euphoria could be expected, although I am uncomfortable with prolonged collective euphoria in any sphere of life. There was actually quite a bit of euphoria at this years event, and people really giving it some welly and cheering things that I really thought they should think better of doing.

A small example was the first meeting I went to which was a meeting about the web, social networking on the net and organising, it was called "Tweeting about a revolution: social media and social movements", and near enough the concluding comment that almost raised the roof was when a comrade said that the young should teach the old how to use new technology !!!! It was an Ernest point being made but a poor idea as a future strategy since so many older people are using the net, and many young people shy away from the political potentialities it creates, or they are unconfident and inexperienced politically.

But for that remark to be applauded and cheered sent alarm bells ringing through my ears. One of the reasons for such euphoria was because of the person who made the comment, not the content - which was, if people thought about it, a weak point. However, it was an interesting talk and debate, despite a level of passivity and confusion. A memorable moment was when one comrade got up to say that although the technology was poor back in the old days, any new innovation in technology was seized upon then for its use in enhancing the struggle, and that is not happening today with the net as much as it should or could be.

Moving on ...

Our Tony Benn was fantastic, just so good that he continues to support us and so many others getting together to fight and struggle for a better world. He didn't speak for very long and he is in his nineties now, still fit mind you but more frail than I have seen him before. He is an inspiration, so kind and encouraging, he said that the same effort that some people put into making war they should put into making peace. He said that no one ever says they can't afford to bomb a place or not to have a battle in war because of cost cuts, so, the same effort and the same finances need to be made to make peace in the world. He also said that we would all benefit and so would society as a whole benefit from looking after the elderly, a point that although may sound obvious and simple is actually far reaching and true.

The above meeting and debate was called "Socialist and the Welfare State" and was really interesting all round. A young man got up to disagree with socialists, he spoke on the side of capitalists, I was glad he spoke and I was interested to hear his defence of this dreadful system ...

Basically he said that things were worse in places like Russia and Eastern Europe where there was communism, and that we scared him ( or something like that). Of course the vast majority of people now accept that the Eastern European countries were not socialist in any way and in Russia the new formed socialist society ( from the 1917 revolution), renamed USSR, was strangled and died in infancy. The old order gradually retook control under Stalin and was socialist only in name. Tony Cliff who founded the SWP wrote an extremely comprehensive book called 'State Capitalism in Russia' in 1947 outlining how it is a myth to say Russia was or is socialist, it is capitalist and was involved, even way back then, 1947 and before, in international competition and trading with the west, its economy being capitalist was run heavily by the state.

I wish I could remember the gist of this young pro capitalist's other arguments, but I have forgotten, sorry, next time I will listen more keenly and take notes ... Or then again maybe there were and are more pressing and sensible debates to be getting involved in.

The only other meeting I went to was called "Why we defend Multiculturalism", a great meeting again, and I look forward to writing up about it in the next post.

Marxism 2011 part one

As with most things in life there is the good, the bad and the ugly and so it is true too of the SWP's annual event 'Marxism'.

It's like our Christmas, we see old friends and comrades and chat to one another like we've never been apart, we meet new people, get fresh ideas, laugh, cry and dance ( usually at the end in the after party). This year's Marxism was held for the first time in about twenty or so years in a different venue and due to the disability I have ( I get disorientated in new places quickly and it's bad, worse in my case than for most people I reckon) I was worried. A local friend and comrade offered to help with the practicalities as much as he could, something I was grateful for; and it did work for a time while I was up there, but not all the time.

Another problem I have is that sitting for long periods of time in meetings causes me quite a bit of discomfort, so this year I had that to contend with too.

I did meet up with some old friends and familiar faces and had a couple of great quality conversations, although the chats seemed to come around to the subject of art, but that was great as art is one of my favourite subjects anyway. I had a great convo about mental health with a very nice and understanding young man who was also a fellow sufferer.

The venue was split over two sites, Friends meeting house and a nearby university. I was fine at Friends meeting house as I already new it, but there weren't many people around to talk to in between meetings and there were no debates, or few, but none that I was able to participate in anyway.

The university to me was a nightmare, which I thought it would be, I could not make head nor tail of where I was going, it was all very strange and I felt very lost there, I saw one person I knew; a man from my Welsh days, he was pushing a pram around with his young son in, and was as equally confused as I was as to what was happening and where everything and everybody was.

Eventually I found the canteen and recognised a few faces although no-one looking particularly friendly, again it was boring as there were no interesting debates, plus the food was appalling and expensive, when a canteen hand cleared my table and asked if the food was alright, I left that question unanswered. I heard of one poor comrade who actually got food poisoning, poor thing.

So I thought I would give up trying to fathom the university and waited for my friend to arrive from Kent, but he was severely delayed, so I sat in the rose garden in front of Friends meeting house. There were comrades milling around, some I knew and recognised and some I didn't, but I felt isolated and excluded, probably on account of the relegated membership I endure which means I am not attached to any branch. It felt even more acute as I had been friends with a local Kent comrade for a while up until a few months ago when ... ( well it's a fairly long story that I won't go into), but I saw her on the train going up and she walked past me and then hurried on ahead.

So, do you get the picture? Marxism changed this year. I went up for only two days, the Saturday and Sunday, and only went to one meeting on the Sunday before returning home feeling all sorts of things, but one feeling I had that Sunday night in my flat was that today's SWP sadly felt no longer like a home.

And its something I intend to explore in this blog over the coming weeks.

Mic Righteous - Wild Boyz

I just had to post this brilliant Mic Righteous song. Just Wow wow and wow. This is real. Love it. I'm addicted to Grime.

***** MIC RIGHTEOUS FREESTYLE 2011!!!!*****

YES!!!! More Mic righteous, its gotta be. OMG! kill it brother

Consquences, Meaning and Resolution of Madness

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In the first instance, madness can be located in the system and in the institutions, we are born in and struggle to live in.

Who and what we are naturally as human beings has to fit into the society we are born into (which of course we have no knowledge of when we come into the world). So, for the many thousands, millions in this world who have experienced madness to varying degrees it is the emotional pain associated with the confining institutions we are born into that either cause or exacerbate the problem.

Institutions such as the family, school, hospital. Of course, I am not suggesting that we should do away with these institutions just yet, only that they change in their outlook, culture, and work with human beings and humanity rather than against it.

Mental illness and work

There has been much said, written about and policies made to make people sick with madness go to work. There has always been and always will be a number of people who are willing and capable of working.

They never needed any ‘encouragement’ like discharge from day center’s, or obscure and hampering benefit rules such as the permitted work rules (which have quite frankly put off hundreds possibly thousands of disabled people from working) as mechanism for obtaining work.

People with mental illness very often make very good healers, just as they do in other parts of the world, in Africa and Asia for example. There is very high recovery rates in parts of these continents and other areas of usually what is known as the third world. They ( those displaying symptoms of mental illness) are not outcast but sometimes revered and quite often given roles (or work) in their societies that involves healing, whether it be emotional, spiritual or physical.

It is no good trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, many of us who are or have been mad simply cannot fit into the jobs and the associated working environment that exist without getting so stressed out that we are likely to become a danger to ourselves and also to those around us. Basically we have limited functioning capacity in a workplace.

This is a fact for many of us and it is a hurtful fact for us to face. It is because of this that we become outcast.

The Resolution

Primarily mental illness is treated by psychotropic drugs, this solution is forced on us in our society (the western world) and we have no choice. One problem that is encountered as a consequence of this is non-compliance.

Current resolutions to the problem of madness is to threaten and consider locking people up even though they have not done anything. Of course this is intellectually and morally absurd and shows the lengths some people will go to in order to ostracise a group of people they maybe fear and do not wish to allow the same or similar rights as the rest of the population.

A good resolution is simple, the medication may or may not help us, personally I take it (the bitter pill), there needs to be more education and discussion about psychotropic medicine, but just ask anyone who is involved in the administration of medicine, this is only a small part.

For Madness and is consequences to be alleviated our basic needs have to be looked at and provision made. Housing, food, warmth and human company. Most of us will not just take and not give anything back. We are as I have said before excellent all-round healers, entertainers, musicians, artists.

We have special needs, cannot, and should not be forced into a working environment that we are simply not capable of being productive in.

Ramsgate Love Music Hate Racism

Well to be honest I was really desperate to go to the LMHR (Love Music Hate Racism) gig in Ramsgate on the Kent Coast after having 'discovered' Mic Righteous ( who was playing) through one of my face book friends who is also a real friend and one of the organisers of the gig. Of course the usual problem (reminiscent of my younger days when clubbing); who can I go with? Luckily I managed to persuade my dear sister to come along, and that was a great result, even better than going with a friend or acquaintance as you don't have to talk or pretend, you can just be, and that is what we did and we thoroughly enjoyed the day.

There was wind and rain at the site of the gig which was on the sea front, or the Harbour, so it was being postponed, on account of the equipment being too wet to use and needed drying out. So my sister and I walked along the harbour and found a really good art exhibition all along the sea front, really big pictures and some of them very good indeed, I was surprised and glad to come face to face with two of my favourite historical figures, Karl Marx and Vincent Van Gogh, well there was obviously some good spirits there in the Harbour.

The weather really was incredible, huge waves came crashing on the promenade, wind, rain, it was so bracing, mesmeric and picturesque. The sun did make special appearances later on ...

But not at this time around about one to two in the afternoon, it should have started at midday, and we were beginning to think that it would have to be called off.

But it did get going, first there were some warm up acts, grime, and it was beautiful, the lady above in the picture was from a class act called 'Vee and the Vendettas', and it was a little like a ladies day, which is cool, ladies first as they say!

Wow! Lady Leshurr totally mashed up the place, with some superb rap and grime, and as you can see she looked absolutely stunning too ( sorry pic is a little blurred)

Then there was this energetic Young band with another female lead, the band was called 'Shy Chlo', and were a combination of metal and rap, wonderful and very powerful too.

OMG Mic Righteous, whatta man, what can I say, he was my reason for attending and he didn't disappoint, he followed a most amazing grime rapper called 'Spookasonic', who really got the crowd going and the sun shone and blazed while Mic Righteous blew up the stage. Mic Righteous has become somewhat of an 'underground' celeb, he is very well known and loved now particularly after his 'fire in the booth' performance that I posted here, so he gave us that and his new single which isn't due out until next year called 'Lets get nasty', I loved it, there was some great audience participation on that one. Stunning pic of him above.

There was a fantastic surprise after Mic Righteous, I was ready to retire and go home, but for a wicked Rasta who was simply brutal, all the righteous rasta lyrics, but 'hard core', and that is how he described it too. He looked brilliant with a nyabinghi turban, gold in his teeth and a beautiful reddy black complexion. I was awe struck. Was unprepared with my camera and too absorbed in the performance to take any pics, but he will live on in my memory and my minds eye for a very long time to come.

The last act we saw were 'Kid British', but I was tired, my sister was cold so we departed the scene, just as they were singing a song something about a middle aged woman although I didn't catch any other lyrics, a nice band though and after that there was the head line act, 'Congo Natty' AKA Rebel MC who I remember from back in the day with the classic line in one of his rap tunes that went 'Is he a Yankie; no, I'm a Londoner'. The crowd was so up for it I bet it was a great performance too.

There was some Leary behaviour which thankfully didn't escalate, and I hope it remained calm throughout the duration and after we left, the organisers and sponsors ( the trade union UNISON), really did an excellent job, I will write to the main organiser who I know and congratulate her.

Cannabis use among the mentally ill

I am not suggesting that people use cannabis, personally I think there is a lot to be said for sobriety, but the way mental health practitioners are using the issue of cannabis use as a stick to beat people with mental health problems is wrong.

They (the practitioners) don't seem to realise that people who use a mind altering drug such as cannabis know and understand that they are experiencing increased levels of emotional things, like anxiety. However, they might actually feel that they are enjoying their altered state of mind even if its bad. Exactly the same goes for alcohol.

One of the major problems of cannabis is not necessarily the mind altering qualities, but the illegality of it. Some studies have shown that it is widely used and by people who have some mental problems to begin with. It is probably unlikely that they cause them in the first place. But problems with cannabis are definitely increased by the criminal circles that surround its supply. This can lead to absolutely tragic outcomes for some people with them being sucked into either harder drugs and /or prostitution.

It would be better to put resources into the community such as social projects involving sport, art and craft for example than the situation that exists now of threatening to withdraw services and resources in the community for people with mental health problems. People who take cannabis currently face discrimination from mental health services; with an emphasis on provision rather than punishment, the future could be brighter for both service users and professional alike.

Guest Post by Chris Barchard. 'Can you always believe Psychiatrists?'

There is an old saying that goes “He lies like a physician”. Although this belongs to a bygone era when the term “psychiatrist” had not been coined people still sometimes mistrust what doctors tell them and psychiatrists are no exception to this. It is of course impossible to produce statistics to demonstrate the incidence of psychiatric disingenuousness and even if a comprehensive body of data existed there would still be questions about individual clinical opinion, actual lack of knowledge and mistakes on the part of particular doctors. However none of this proves that the practice does not go on or that it does. Rather than try to answer this contentious question directly I aim to point the reader in the direction of things that I have myself been told by psychiatrists and that others have told me anecdotally with a view to the reader assessing for themselves whether these are things to which a psychiatrist could reasonably be expected not to know the right answer and whether there are grounds to suppose that he/she would have a motive for lying about the matters.

Something I have been told all too often when I have complained about problems with memory, weight or sexual function is the suggestion that it is to do with age. The role of psychiatric drugs was to say the least played down. When I didn't know as much as I do now about the effects of psychiatric drugs I was a bit puzzled by this because my memory was much worse than others of my own age group, my weight seemed to have gone up as soon as I was put on certain antipsychotic drugs and I thought I was a bit young to be getting problems of sexual dysfunction. In fact all these problems have markedly improved on more modern drugs and I was only in my thirties when I can remember being told these opinions. All of these problems are well known side-effects of many antipsychotic drugs. As to a motive for deliberately misinforming me about these matters I would contend that the doctor concerned wanted me to comply with the treatment programme and may well have thought I would stop taking the drugs if I knew the truth. Furthermore when the issue of psychiatric staff being untruthful about the adverse effects of the treatments they dealt out was discussed at a local Mental Health Forum I used to attend, it was admitted by a senior nurse present that the fear of non-compliance with treatment by patients was the primary reason for withholding information about these matters.

Similarly when I was taking lithium the psychiatrist let me know that tests on my kidney function were giving slightly abnormal readings. Rather than admit this was the lithium damaging my kidneys he equivocated about the distinction between changes in kidney function and structural damage, obfuscating the issue of damage caused by lithium, saying it could be a number of things. This was in spite of lithium being the most immediate candidate of causation. He did not want to stop the lithium. I took affirmative action. It was my life and I wasn't going to take chances with this drug. So I took myself off it and it was little surprise that the kidney tests improved a little. The psychiatrist admitted grudgingly that the timing of this did make it look like lithium was the cause. Why might he have been disingenuous in the beginning? Compliance again seems the obvious candidate. I think he was so worried about my stability that he just wanted me to keep taking the tablets.

More recently I heard that someone had been denied aripiprazole, the newest antipsychotic drug, on the grounds that it was used when the patient needed to be somewhat sedated. Given that the person in question was taking olanzapine at the time this seems a rather improbable reason since olanzapine tends to be more sedating than aripiprazole. I have taken both and this is certainly my personal experience. I could only speculate why the psychiatrist in question might have tried to mislead this person. It might have had to do with cost although the difference may not have been great or it might have been to do with cautiousness about using drugs that have not been around for many years and whose long-term effects are thus unproven. Whatever the reason it seems that the psychiatrist may not have wanted to be open about it with the patient.

A more general situation can be described that was prevalent particularly in the 1990s when a whole new generation of antipsychotic drugs became available. Many psychiatrists were very reluctant to use the atypical antipsychotic drugs much when they first came on the market. They have become the norm as a first choice in treatment of psychotic problems nowadays. One of the commonest reasons that was given at the time was that they were no better than the older “typical” drugs. That very much depended on what you meant by “better”. If it was just reduction in positive symptoms: delusions, hallucinations etc., then there was a grain of truth in this assertion. But if someone's overall quality of life were considered then for many people it has proven to be wrong. It is worth noting that “atypicals” such as olanzapine, quetiapine, clozapine, risperidone, amisulpride and ziprasidone, are considerably more expensive than the previous generations of antipsychotic drugs in most cases. The same is true of aripiprazole which really is part of an even newer generation of this class of drug.

Life is such that it is usually possible to invent plausible alternative reasons for things which are not the genuine ones. Some people are frequently taken in by this but the more perceptive and knowledgeable can spot the flaws – at least some of the time. The question is whether psychiatrists at times withhold information and sometimes do this by giving misleading or false information to their patients. If they do then it raises questions as to whether it really is in the best interests of the patient to do this – it is certainly very undemocratic – and whether it is in fact counter-productive. As soon as someone gets an inkling they are being lied to it creates distrust and can in itself lead to non-compliance with treatment. I think a lot more people undergoing psychiatric treatment nowadays know something about the adverse effects of the drugs they are given than they did 20 or 30 years ago. In my own experience of knowing people who are to a degree “in the know” about this it does not usually stop them taking tablets. In some ways it makes one feel better to know that it's not all the illness that's giving one problems. It makes the illness seem that much less. Anxious uncertainty is almost universal amongst patients when they know little or nothing about what is being done to them. The idea that people with psychotic illnesses are quite unreasonable has been greatly exaggerated and knowing what risks there are associated with the treatments can remove one level of uncertainty. It may not be the best time to talk about this when one is in crisis but as reason returns so does the ability to distinguish the effects of treatments that are not to one's liking and to want to know the truth.

Because of more patients having knowledge it is probable that psychiatrists are more open with more patients nowadays but it is not something that should be taken for granted.

I have only given a few examples in this piece. Readers will know whether these ring bells for them and whether they have had similar experiences of their own. If the examples do resonate with them then it will have been worth bringing this issue out into the open.

The mad in me

Having just come out the other side of a short bout of madness, it isn't and it wasn't my fault. I was chugging along nicely, doing art for the exhibition in October, leaving my place untidy and spending hours on blogs and social network sites, and then ... I had some stuff laid on me which occurred at the same time as the terrible fuss that was made over the Internet about it being the end of the world, I knew it was bullshit, but with the green as well my sanity suffered.

One of the sayings close to my heart is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and insanity is strange like that and definitely no exception. During the throws of madness, you suffer so bad, your friends and family can't handle you, in fact no-one can. In one of my hospital admissions for example, not even fully trained psychiatric staff could handle me and I was discharged much earlier than I should have been, left to cope on my own.

However contrary to popular belief, surviving a bout of insanity is not for the weak or the feint hearted, you have to be strong. Then again just because you might be strong (as many people who suffer with their sanity are), it does not mean you don't need any help and should be left to suffer it alone, we do need lots of 'intervention' in the form of human beings being kind and showing us love. This doesn't happen much if at all in the world we live in, at least not this part of the world anyway, and so we do pretty much get left alone to cope with it.

Its hard to struggle back to normality, the first step is to recognise that what you experienced was insanity. It can be an extremely hard thing to do because those ideas that you have that seemed so real and important are nothing more than heightened imagination, its a real struggle to get a grip and perspective that is sane, and of course the line between sanity and madness is not clear.

Every thing that was important to me I could not do during the recent attack which probably lasted about two weeks, like painting and art. Not only was this out of the question ( as I was constantly being told by 'voices' in my head) but every move I made seemed to be a directive from an entity outside of myself, it was like being controlled, you lose yourself, you don't exist, and this loss is strangely coupled with almost grandiose ideas about yourself too, probably something to do with survival. I am not going to analyse it to death because I would rather try and get on with my life, because life is for living and I can still do that.

Just want to big up my friends and family who had to yet again watch me painfully deteriorate and they still stood by me giving as much support as they could, and, as is always the case I have got some mends to make with a few people too ...

You can restore your health and spirit ( that will never die) but I feel much weakened as a result of that episode of insanity, I guess it will take time to heal, it always does take a while. At least though I am able to carry on with the art work, in fact my latest picture is an Anti-war picture, it is probably one of my best pictures I have done, it will go on the exhibition this year, it is called 'Man from Afghanistan'.

A friend and old colleague of mine has just produced a Short DVD of last years exhibition too, and it is very interesting. I am lucky to have the project to get stuck into, there is always plenty going on and my health has restored enough so that I can carry on organising it.

Oh gosh, Lord, all my trials ...

LOWKEY - TERRORIST? (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO)

Don't let it Pass You by.

You get past a certain age, don't ask me what it is, and time can pass you by. Being in my fourties now means I am middle aged and in some aspects I am stuck in the past (apparently it happens to us all).

Take the new phenomenon that is catching on around the world, and had its origins in Toronto, these 'slut walks'. The idea came about when two police officers gave a talk to local university students after a few serious incidents, Michael Sanguinetti outraged the students by saying "if you really want to know how not to get raped don't dress like a slut". This wasn't the first comment of that sort made recently where the victim is blamed for rape crime, and there is also a long history of this. Reporting and conviction levels for rape are low. See the following statistics :

• 23% of women are sexually assaulted as an adult in Britain—and 5 percent are raped
• 54,602 sexual offences were committed in 2010 according to the British Crime Survey—up from 53,091 in 2009.
  It recorded a 6 percent increase in the number of most serious sexual crimes—up to 44,693 from 42,187
• 40% of adults who are raped tell no one about it. Of the rapes that are reported, less than 6 percent result in a conviction
• 86% of rape victims know their attacker, exposing the myth that it is what women wear that leads to sexual assault

So young women are on the march again, fighting for the right to wear and dress how they want and not be raped or abused. A popular slogan on the march is "however we dress, wherever we go, yes means yes and no means no". Good stuff.

Now this is where I got caught out because I could see sort of what was going on, but felt really uncomfortable with the name of the demonstration being 'slut walk', because to me ( being old fashioned) I took that fairly literally to be a rallying cry, rallying us to demonstrate as sluts. Of course there is that confusion, but as the demonstrations have gained momentum, interest and popularity, it seems that it is more than just trying to appropriate the term 'slut' but sort of carving out some solidarity. If a woman is blamed for being raped because of the way she dresses and she is called a slut, then we are all sluts because none of us are. Strange logic I know, but its a kind of strange Spartacus moment. Rather than single out any one women for dressing like a slut; we all are, so pick on all of us; or leave us alone ( the prefered option).

Its a bit of a head twist, but kind of cool, although I still would feel uncomfortable about joining the demonstrations under that banner, but hey, I am a bit passed it now, you young people have to understand this and make allowances. There was one today in London which I missed, but I am very glad something is taking place and that young women are taking to the streets demanding the right not to be abused and raped. I will endeavour to join the protests in future.

Now the other way that I got stuck in the past was how I just didn't get the grime scene, but Mic Righteous has managed to get through to me thank god, and now I can't get enough of it. Unfortunately I have only one grime CD by big cakes. I did always treasure that CD, but I am so hungry for grime, I want more. I'm hooked, I love the ethos, the passion, the lyrics and have just cottoned on to what the term 'represent' is all about. The rappers 'represent' themselves and their peers, then Mic Righteous says 'in the hope that you represent us too'. I find this concept so exciting in that what ever I do, wherever I go, I represent those who inspire me, the young grime mc's whose music and lyrics I love, they represent eachother, and then for all of us, young and old we do and we can get that little bit closer, and closer to being one world, one love. Peace! Yay!

Mic Righteous - Fire In The Booth

Having just discovered grime, (I know I know a bit late in the day but better late than never). I cannot get enough of this man Mic Righteous. I'm feeling it real. He knows about life and he does not give up, maximum respect to the man and to his adopted home Kent. He knows all about it, he says he gives love first then might hate, he is love and hate and not ashamed, he fights for love and through all the confusion we live in, he fights hard for good, using his capacity for hate, not denying it, but using it, in a controlled manner. A true warrior and a man after my own heart and may God bless him forever. Mic Righteous live on!

What no spring anymore? (and some chit chat)

It may be a little naff to blog about the weather, but how strange it is becoming nowadays. It went from cold to hot in a matter of days in April, and there are forest fires in England! At the same time the temperatures were so high in England, in Iraq where it is usually very hot this time of year, they were experiencing torrential rain and flooding. We had hardly any autumn last year either, again it just went from hot to cold in days, the winter although fairly short was severe. Its similar but different to the North American climate, although they have short summers and long winters, we seem to be having long hot summers and short winters. And I do mind. I always liked our temperate climate, you could remain quite active for most of the year, but personally I am not too good in hot weather ( being light skinned) in fact I almost hate it. In the quick turn around minus the spring, I have been feeling strange, very irritable, on a short nerve and have been experiencing various uncomfortable physical symtoms like dizziness, headache and so on. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on me, my head seems to be bearing the brunt of it.

On other news; the election, it was good to see the lib dems get a telling off for being yellow tories by the electorate and I hope they stick to what was being said on the news programme today with Andrew Marr that they would be opposing tory NHS 'reform'. The NHS was a hard won right, fought for by those who came back from the second world war, its disgraceful to their memory to dismantle it like they are attempting to do.

Also it was marvellous to see a wipe out of the BNP, wipeout in Stoke, wipeout everywhere ( I think they only have one person now in Barnsley or somewhere that way) . So from that point of view, very good news.

AV also got defeated, it was a bad compromise on PR and would have set back that programme for a long while, I am glad it was rejected as it was also another blow for the lib dems, they really must learn now ( although I doubt they will; they'll probably still be clinging on in government and seeing out the cuts and dirty work of the tories), I always felt that the saying 'never trust a liberal' had something in it.

The talk of the Royal wedding was the awful attire of the princess's, Beatrice and Eugenie. I did explain to my nephew that the gossip at any wedding is always someones embarrassment, it rather disturbingly turns into the news of the day as with the princess's, my niece told me that I should not feel sorry for either of them as I kind of felt their embarrassment, and so I took her advice and I don't, they both just looked like right messes ( oh you bitch!), but ain't that all the things that weddings reinforces? Of course this special wedding was not a state occasion, it was therefore private, so how come we had to foot the bill for it? Face book acted very strangely too and took down about fifty or so profiles on the night of the Royal wedding, many of them anti cuts pages, I woke up to find I had lost a large chunk of my face book friends overnight, I thought it was an organised something, apparently there was police involvement, all the pages have now been reinstated I believe, so what storm in a tea cup all of that was.

It was a wonderful surprise when out shopping with my sisters family, waiting outside a shop for them on account of predicting to be thoroughly bored, a wonderful May Day demonstration went past just where I was, I did take some pics with my phone and will be uploading them soon, it was great, a nice bit of red to balance the overdose of blue of that weekend.

Take it on the Chin

Being the youngest of three girls all close in age, there were, as is common among siblings - many fights. The middle one was more fun, frequent and generally fair, whereas fights with big sis were more difficult because she knew and could see how I enjoyed fighting with middle sister and was not into fighting at all, at the earliest opportunity, she would claw my face with her nails and she always kept her nails sharp. It was something I thought should be disallowed in a fight so I would go running to my parents with bloody gashes across my face and my big sister would get a good telling off. I did get some revenge later, although its not about revenge, more, what goes around comes around, and I do and always did love my big sis dearly.

Middle sister was a good fighter, very imaginative, as we got bigger and became teenagers, I was getting physically much bigger than her and so she had to think of clever ways to fight me ( as I was often wanting to scrap) . She did it beautifully, one day she trapped my head behind her back somehow and squeezed it for ages and she would not budge, I was trapped and after that I called it a day fighting with her.

Around that time I had met a couple of lads at our pub and through some school friends. They were both big and broad ( for 16 and 17 year olds), they were six foot three and six foot four; we all got on really well and before long we were enjoying numerous drunken scraps ( play fights), I really loved it and so did they, they told me that they were holding back and letting me scrap them a lot of the time, they also used to say to me that I didn't know my own strength.

One day, while indoors at home, I was play fighting or something like that with big sis, and I felt this serge of energy and what felt like foreign chemicals in my body, I realised I had picked up my sister and was going to throw her, so I quickly looked about the room and saw Mum and Dad's bed so I threw her on that from across the room, she fell off it onto the floor, and her face was a picture, I still laugh as I remember the look of shock to this day, so, big sis that was for scratching my face when I was a kid!

I never met anyone who would fight with me like those two fellas from back in the day, all my subsequent male friends have pretty much refused to spa for a jest, I'm not sure why.

My last partner very much enjoyed a good fight ( but not play fighting with me unfortunately), but as a compromise he decided to teach me how to give a good and accurate punch on the chin which he assured me would make the other go down, I practised what he taught me, not on anyone but on his hand, he encouraged me to not hold back and give as full a punch onto his hand as I could. He felt it and then remarked that he thought it was KO, I don't think he was making it up. Anyway I have been taught to how to give a good punch although I am yet to use it on anyone.

Just recently I have taken up martial arts, I went to tai chi and really loved it. Our teacher said we could improvise and gave us some basic moves and theory, I developed this into 'singing tai chi' and would repeat certain parts of songs I knew almost in a chanting fashion. Unfortunately it was a short-lived episode due to lack of places to practice. The martial art closest to my heart though is Jujitsu, I think this is the one that would come most naturally to me, it remains at this stage an ambition, but one that will be fulfilled one day with any luck.