Do I, do I, do I? No, sorry, I do not marry

Now this may be controversial, not that I am known for this type of writing or behaviour of course, I have just seen yet another set of wedding photos and after a very short while in, the pictures and the whole scenario starts to grate on my heart, I start to feel terribly inadequate and the more you watch, the greater these feelings get.

Its all about the beautiful young couple, their devotion and dedication to one another, that's ok, I'm not knocking that, but why do they have to emanate being rich and posh for the day?

I guess these are the weddings that are on the market, and just the done thing.

These imposing environments are just a reminder of whose world this belongs to and people buy into it just for a day, but a very significant and what should be a most poignant day of expressing love gets turned into property relations sanctified by privilege and all the negativity that goes along with it. Things like pride, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of loneliness and so on.

Most young girls and children want to get married and I was no different, at the age of about ten years old I asked my father if I could have a horse drawn carriage at my future wedding, and was shocked by his abject negativity towards the idea. I pursued him with the idea he basically said that they cost too much money, a factor a ten year old has the bliss of not taking into consideration while dreaming, until my dear father burst that bubble.

Perhaps if he had said yes, I will do anything for you my lovely daughter I might be married to this day, who knows.

As a teenager, I was very rebellious and decided at about fifteen or so, the age I decided to become a left wing political activist that I did not want marriage for myself. I was not going to go around denouncing it for other people but I had made a personal choice and one that was based on witnessing the break down of my parents marriage and the impossibility they had for a while of ending it amicably as incompatibility was not an option in those days.

My heart strings were pulled on the idea of marriage during my first relationship, and I remember having vague and intermittent fantasies of being in our local church with my lover then to be my husband turning around to see me look beautiful in a fantastic dress.

However that bubble was burst when I found out you had to be a member of the church and for quite sometime before they will allow you to declare your love and commitment to someone while looking beautiful, oh well bang goes that idea, church membership doesn't sit well with left wing political activists you know.

My first boyfriend knew that I had strong views about marriage and so he never asked me for my hand, so I remained a free and single woman after that relationship eventually ended.

So the next time I brushed with marriage was during my second serious relationship, being much older by this time, my views on marriage and the desire not to was just part of me and part of the furniture, so when he popped the question, although it was more in an enquiring and roundabout manner, I had to explain that I did not believe in marriage as an option for myself.

Incidentally, I had been asked by two other men just prior to this second serious relationship; to which I had replied that I was not the marrying kind!

This second relationship was quite serious and we both wanted something to formally mark our dedication and commitment to one another, so he came up with the idea of a friendship blessing where we would also be able to exchange rings as a token of our love for one another. I thought this was a wonderful idea and went about organising everything with my Mums help.

I managed to convince the clergy at Rochester Cathedral to perform the ceremony there. They agreed and said we could use any part of the Cathedral we wanted for our purposes. Brilliant. My partner wanted to have the ceremony in the crypt so that is what where it was held.

It was a thanksgiving and blessing of our friendship and was also a healing service on our request. The Canon used healing oil for any person there who felt that it would help with their healing needs and we remembered the dead, we were all invited to light a candle for the deceased, particularly those who we had loved dearly.

I have still got the ring he gave me, although our relationship did not last, but just as the Canon had said to us when we exchanged them, 'let this be a reminder of how much your friendship is valued by this man and how much he loves you'.

I rarely wear the ring now but its there and is precious to me because it is a reminder that I have been loved, that thought encapsulated in the ring helps at certain times, times when I feel unwanted and lonely. Its not a magic cure for the loneliness I feel, but there is a warm thought there.

That friendship Blessing was a positive experience and one to blog about for sure, a great alternative to marriage for someone like me who doesn't believe in it and just won't do it!